Reflections on a snowy Sunday
No. 75 February is here.
The swath of pink and purple covering our kitchen table is such a contrast to the all-white-everything outside. The snow has piled up quite a bit overnight and it’s still coming down. Nice to see ‘winter being winter’ but my appreciation for a snowy morning has begun to wane. I am extremely ready for the warmth of spring.
Please excuse the fact that I did not write to you last week. We are now nine days into February and it feels like far more has happened than should in such a short time. Not to mention there is a hearty amount of snow outside and the Super Bowl is on tonight. Those two things are not connected, but it just feels like oof. Winter. It’s still here. Usually I am all for the coats and the layering, but I must admit I am kind of done with it. Time for spring, please!
Clearly the weather has other plans and we can’t just skip this month and next. I’ll be as patient as possible as we go through a tricky chunk of time.
In this current climate where everything feels a bit sideways, upside down, and often confusing, I deem it most appropriate to be open, honest, and earnest. Life this past week has been hard. And sad. And frustrating. And strange. And a lot. Have you ever had one of those weeks? Thankfully, I had not had one in a while, but to make sure it was extra “a lot,” the universe threw us a double. And I’m not talking about espresso.
My wonderful, 100-year-old maternal grandmother (Grammy) died last Saturday. She was superb in every sense of the word. She made everyone happy. She made the best blueberry muffins and chocolate chip cookies. She had an impressive career in retail selling shoes at Filene’s for decades, selling toys in the summer in Ogunquit, Maine, and being her best self for everyone she met. She loved to help people in any way possible and she loved to have fun. She and my grandfather were married for 76 years.
My memories with her span decades from our weekends together making cookies and shopping at Toys ‘R’ Us to her picking me up from school then taking me for a snack because I was starving upon pick up. She was always up for a weekend drive, she loved going to the car wash, she loved turquoise jewelry, she loved relaxing by the ocean, she loved going to Bloomingdale’s, and she was not shy in her more-recent, firm opinion that Seth was her favorite “Uber driver.” She was dazzled by the electric car.
She was so incredibly proud of everyone and their accomplishments no matter how significant. She frequently talked about how much she loved attending my college graduation, which is impressive since I graduated back in 2007. Even I don’t reflect on that too often. ;) She was my biggest cheerleader when I got my driver’s license a few years ago. She did not judge my choice to delay that experience. She supported the journey from start to finish and was so excited when I finally got the license.
My memories of my grandmother cover every corner of my life so far and I am so lucky to have enjoyed so much time with her. She was the first person to call you on your birthday. She was the first person to call you on any day. She has instilled in me the joy of calling someone simply to say hi. She loved a margarita in a fancy glass. She has rooted for me through every career change, apartment change, and big life moment. She has been one of my biggest supporters in everything I’ve done and our time together will have an everlasting impact.
There aren’t enough words to describe the positive, joyful energy she put out into the world. As she said to every single person she met, “I’m so glad to know you.”
My Grammy was one of a kind and we will all miss her so much. The memories of our adventures together will remain in my heart and soul forever.
Friends, we shall now get even more honest. Within 48 hours of my grandmother’s passing, I experienced a miscarriage. Wowza. I did not see that coming. To be real, I am still going through the feelings of the experience. It was shocking and sad. Frustrating and weird. It still is all of those things. And while I am going to keep most of it to myself (and Seth), I felt it was extremely important to share it with all of you as it has now had quite an impact on my life.
I was anxious to tell others that it had happened, but the second I did, I felt so much better. The outpouring of love and support we have received has been incredible. Friends have been so kind and so glad that I have spoken up about it happening as apparently it is rarely talked about yet happens quite often. Yikes!
Why do we only focus on the good stuff? The hard stuff is happening far more often than we realize and far more often than what we see on social media. The pain and frustration has not disappeared, but the weight of the experience has lessened by speaking up. I am not one to shy away from talking about life’s ups and downs and I did not want to hide this moment.
A miscarriage does not mean I did anything wrong. It just happened. I am still very hopeful for the future and who knows how that will unfold. But now that I have shared this fact with all of you, I guess you may be curious about the rest of this journey. Stay tuned, friends, we shall see what happens…
Thank you for being here and being such a supportive group. I’m so glad I can be so darn honest in this space and share my life. It’s not always ‘picture perfect’ and nor should it be. If everything was always beautiful, then I think I may find it quite boring.
I am so glad to know you.
Love,
Mollie