Approaching 39 or, how did we get here already?
No. 49 Feels like the right time to get writing. Again.
Let’s get right into it, shall we? This is my first post since December 2023. OMG.
My sincerest apologies. Wait. That phrase goes against everything I’m feeling right now so, uh, no. I’m not going to apologize for this delay. Life has been life-ing and I have been working and living and working some more. So, on the rare instances that I had time away from work and screens, the last thing I wanted to do over the last seven(!) months was sit down at (yet another) screen and write to all of you. Sorry! But not sorry. You get it, right? Now that my preamble is done, we can dive back in.
Thank you for your patience (truly). I am so glad you’re still here. And for the new folks, welcome! You didn’t miss a thing. ;)
A few weeks ago, as I was debating when to dive back into this Substack, I ‘scribbled’ a few sentences in the Notes app on my phone following a particularly inspiring Peloton ride. Get to know me: Exercise is crucial to my well-being. There. I said it. I hate that it’s true, but it is literally the best thing I can do for myself every day that will always have positive repercussions. It’s good for my mind, my body, and my general outlook on the world - however crazy things seem to be.
Back to that note! I have no shame, by the way. I am an open book. A true Leo, I must admit I like talking about myself, my life experiences, and hopefully those experiences and feelings can help someone else out there who may have experienced some of these things at some point as well. I like sharing about myself, but at my core (did I actually type that?), I love to help people.
I’m also good at getting side-tracked / distracted / off-topic. Mollie. Center yourself. Focus. The note! What did it say? I know you’re on the edge of your seat.
Well, my 39th birthday is a few days shy of one month away and while most will feel the panic and fear as they approach 40, I have had that mindset for 39 instead. Delightful! 39 feels much more daunting, if you ask me. It’s the last year of this decade. The final year of a set of years that have had an incredible amount of change, growth, wild experiences, positive experiences, sad moments, and difficult days. But, as I near 39, and race toward the final year of this pretty intense decade, I have to face the facts: I’ve handled worse. I’ve gotten through harder stuff.
Age is definitely just a number but as my co-workers seem to get younger and younger and my body is constantly reminding me that daily fitness is a requirement given my passion for amazing food each day, the reality is that 39 comes with its own set of expectations and realizations. A friend of mine is 18 years younger than me and I literally find it baffling each time we chat about things happening in the world and our weekends. I love having friends at different ages and life stages because it’s eye-opening (kids grow up!) and keeps me mildly grounded.
39 feels so freaking Adult with a capital A. Holy cow, how did I get to 39? That seems like…way older than 35. A lot older than 30. And an insane amount older than anything below 26. In reality, it is. because numbers are numbers and 39 is a higher number than the rest of those. But when you think in life terms and what’s ‘expected’ of you at any given point during these decades, it’s dizzying to think about how fast time flies and how you are barely able to plan for life’s twists and turns. Side note: twist and shout is one of my favorite songs. Can someone please invite us to a wedding or have a party so I can dance all night to it?
I haven’t forgotten about the note, friends. Don’t worry. I’m staring at it next to me while I type this way-too-long piece about turning 39 and my daily OMG realization that 39 will feel different and the same and weird all at once.
I had a work event last week and I was chatting with my friends (the much younger, cooler ones) and as I talked about things that were happening to me way back when (yes, I used that phrase because I am old), I was realizing just how much Life has happened from 21 to now. A lot of life has happened.
I’m never one to have regrets because things happen and you cannot change the past (so difficult to acknowledge, but so true). But you sure can appreciate all of the weird things that have happened along the way to bring you where you are in this moment. And that’s my goal these days. Of course not every day is perfect and you’ll always make mistakes and wish you’d done this or that differently, but how else are we supposed to go through these years?
Sitting down to write to you, this issue number 49, has been a daunting task I’ve been worrying about for months. That’s ridiculous. I’ve tried to create the “best” version in my head and each week that passes I’ve let it go and moved on. The keyboard wasn’t calling to me, if you will. But after a handful of Peloton rides this year where I’ve literally broken down sobbing (no joke), I think what was missing all of this time was a second outlet beyond the bike rides.
Writing is one of my favorite things to do. Eating is another. Shopping is another. And after all of these months, I’m finally ready to get back into this routine. I’m so glad you’re here for the ride.
Oh, you’re still wondering about that note I scribbled. Fine, I’ll share it. right after the jump.
I was born as a medical emergency. Yes, the night I was born I had emergency surgery and lived in the Boston Children’s Hospital for months in their MSICU. I have been surrounded by emergencies ever since I was too young to even know that they were happening.
Growing up, I had various medical things that led to many hospital-stays, ER visits, and other excitement. I’ve survived quite a long list of my own emergency moments, plus multiple emergencies for family members. Even my husband had a medical emergency just two weeks ago (he’s doing quite well, thank you), and it will never not be a shock to the system. Life stands still as you deal with something that’s quite literally the most important thing happening.
However, as my list of experiences with life-altering moments has grown, so has my ability to handle them. In fact, I think I’m far calmer handling a medical emergency than almost any other kind. Funny how that happens, isn’t it? I feel safer and calmer in a hospital than most people I know. It is a strange, yet powerful feeling.
So why am I so afraid and anxious about turning 39? It’s not the end of anything. It’s not an emergency. It’s really just the beginning.
Until next time…
Peace and joy.
Mollie
